I Am

I am a writer
I am a poet
I am a blonde
I am a blue-eyed girl
I am an introvert
I am in denial
I am a recovering self-mutilator
I am a girl recovering from depression
I am a recovering alocoholic
I am a recovering drug addict
I am dealing with the loss of two friends
I am a smoker
I am a rape victim
I am a recovering anorexic
I am a recovering bulimic
I am an inch away from relapse
I am
only 19
I am

Best Night Ever?

Well I guess I should explain. It's quite simple really. So last night I said farewell to a longtime companion of mine. One that I hated very much. Who/What is this companion you ask? The single life. Lol had you going for a minute there didn't I? But yes I am no longer single and i'm loving it. What's his name you ask? His name is Macks. And he is byfar the greatest guy I have ever met in my entire life. That's right guys you might want to sit down for this one i'm going out with a GOOD guy for once! Lol. But hey my pizza is almost done. You know where to reach me if you want more. (not the pizza, MY pizza. more of information... back off the pizza...)

Soul Number

Your Soul Number is SEVEN.Deep, serious, introspective, and analytical, you accept nothing at face value, and you are always probing into the hidden side or deeper meaning of situations and people. You are fascinated by the mysterious and unknown. You enjoy periods of solitude in peaceful surroundings, and need time to study, reflect, or meditate. You may be given to much daydreaming and flights of the imagination as well. The ocean has a powerful attraction for you. The study of philosophy, psychology, scientific research, metaphysics, or religion appeals to you. You are scientific in your approach to Truth.

Private, reserved, and rather secretive, there are probably very few who truly know and understand your inner thoughts, feelings, hopes, and aspirations. Unless you learn to share your deeper self more freely, and to be less of an idealistic perfectionist, you may be rather lonely.

New Guy

Hey everyone. Just stopped by to say guess what! I've met a great guy. So much to tell not enough time gotta go to work. Bye!!! ^_^
Oh and Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey guys

hey guys guess what i'm not dead! i'm still alive! i've been so busy lately i don't have time to post! i got a second job and unfortunetly i don't have any days of next week which will suck but hey think of the money that will come with that! i'm so stoked i can't wait i'm going to sacramento to see dave in december! but hey i met a great guy down here and have so much fun with him! hey i gotta go though i'll play catch up later. have fun everyone! hope to talk to some of you later!

Not Titled Yet, Sorry

Wrote this today
September 26th, 2005
In Loving Memory of Cole Alan Krueger
2yrs today

You're gone gone gone
Why do I keep holding on
Holding on to all this pain
Don't want to live another day
Without you in my life

So many victims left behind
From your suicide
We never expected you'd be gone
From our lives that day
Yet we're still holding on
To your memory

We sympathize with each other
We're strong for one another
Together we'll move on
Together we'll keep healing
Together we will live

*************United we stand
*************Divided we fall

So many victims left behind
From your suicide
We never expected you'd be gone
From our lives that day
Yet we're still holding on
To your memory

We love you
****We won't forget
We need you
****In our lives
It's just so hard
****So hard to say goodbye
Living in the past
****In your memory
We want you back
****Even though we know it can never be
It will never be, We will never be
****The same again, The same again
********Without you

So many victims left behind
From your suicide
We never expected you'd be gone
From our lives that day
Yet we're still holding on
To your memory

We need you
We want you
Your memory
Your memory
Living in your memory

About Silent Lullabye

Silent Lullabye is not about death. It's about the world we go to when we sleep at night. A place where all your dreams can come true and there are no restraints that will get in your way or hold you back. The references to music are there because it's one of the things i'm passionate about, music is my life. I love writing and when I write I put it to music. Writing and music go hand in hand. In your dreams you let go of all inhibitions (sp?) and you can see what you will become. All your hopes and dreams are real and in your dreams you do what it takes to achieve it. Hence no restraints. So that when you awaken from this dream world you can let all your inhibitions go and go for your hopes and dreams. And then they won't just be hopes and dreams anymore, they'll be reality. But until then you just sleep and dream in your Silent Lullabye. Now go read it! It's the next post down lol.

Silent Lullabye

wake me up
when this day ends
i want to go to sleep
and never wake again

stay in my dream world
where all is safe
kick it with friends
who have long since left this place

i want to be free
to live life again
with no more restraints
no starting at a new beginnings end

dance in the rain
to the music in my heart
jump in the puddles
to the depths of my soul
wake to the rains end
to climb the rainbow to my hopes and dreams
sleep and never wake again
until this day ends
in my silent lullabye

sleep is a silent lullabye
to hold you safe throughout the night
away from lifes dangers
in a silent lullabye

where you create music all day
no life is put to shame
no breathe taken for granted
no sung to go unsung

where everything is possible
no goals are out of reach
the stars are never too far
and the sky is never too high

so sleep like you've never slept before
dance in the rain
to the music of your heart
jump in the puddles
to the depths of your soul
wake to the rains end
to climb the rainbow to your hopes and dreams
sleep is a silent lullabye
where heaven is never too far

watch as the sun sets over this place
as the thunder in your heart rolls through the night
the lightening in you eyes
stretches across the sky

the fire in your heart
sets your pain on fire
ashes unleash the wisdom
to the desires in your heart

take everything for what it's worth
all is paid off with your lifes work
the passion in your soul
will never go unknown

so sleep like you've never slept before
dance in the rain
to the music of your heart
jump in the puddles
to the depths of your soul
wake to the rains end
to climb the rainbow to your hopes and dreams
where everything is possible
in your silent lullabye
your silent lullabye
my silent lullabye
silent lullabye