I Wonder

How many people know about this place. The only people who come here, let alone even know about it are Julie and Shannon. I wonder if anyone else even knows about it.

Poem

So I wrote something today. It's still unfinished though.

nothing to gain
but everything to lose
people wonder
why i'm so confused

life isn't as easy
as it used to be
all i do
is waste my life away

care too much about others
not enough about myself
stay alive for my friends
my only reason to live

don't know why i put myself
through all the things i do
but i do know i've messed up
my life the whole way through

it's so hard for me
to even breathe
i'm dying slowly every day
living in misery

my friends have now abandoned me
let me go, let me be
no one to talk to
no one to just love ME

am i now invisible
can no one see me
the reason i want to die
is because i'm already dead inside

me the invisible girl
who wants to die
who always complains
about her life

my friends i love
more than anything
i've never hurt them
but they always hurt me

i'm always there for them
they're never there for me
they say they worry
but why should i believe

i'm talked about
behind my back
to everyone
but me

i don't think
they understand
just how much
that hurts me

why say things to
everyone else
but they can't say it
to me

they say false things
they believe are true
won't listen to me
when i tell them what's real

won't confront me
with things i supposedly said
why are they so set in their ways
believing these things every day

treat me like shit
abandon me, let me be
these are the things they do
do you see why i'm so confused

i just need someone
to be there for me
i'm tired of being alone
left in my own little zone

Long Time No Post

Well life is interesting lately.
I met a great guy his name is Eric. I'm surprised that I haven't met him before. He knows some of the guys I currently and used to hang out with. He's really cool, really sweet, has a great sense of humor, and damn he's hot. Not to mention athletic. He played football and was in wrestling at Ralston. And he likes soccer too. Totally awesome fun guy you can learn a lot from. He makes you appreciate what you have.

Then there was this other guy Mark that I really looked up to the first time I was in the hospital. He helped me out the whole time. We talked almost all day. He taught me how to make latte's and now i'm a latte addict as he puts it. He taught me how to love myself, and how to let go of my past. Oh and kicking walls and doors and knocking on walls in the middle of the night.

All three of us were in there for the same reason. Those of you who don't know what it was for don't need to know. I learned a lot of things from being on the Special Care Unit, 4-East, and 4-West. Life is not something to be taken away. It's something to cherish and to enjoy. There may be hard times but without them you wouldn't enjoy the happy times. You wouldn't believe how much we were excited when we heard the song come on when a new baby was born. I could tell you about some of the horrible things that happened while I was there but why put a damper on this post? The people that helped me out the most while I was in there 4-West Mark, Maggee, Crystal, Amanda, Darlene, Mike, and Carli. Special Care D'Andra (him and I both LOVE chinese food ^_^.) 4-East Eric, Molly, Karen.

Hmm gotta go. I'm hungry.