My Friend

I have a friend. She is constantly told how beautiful she is, but she can't see it. She's always told what a great personality she has, yet she doesn't know it. As I look at her I see the pain in her eyes. She's so alone yet no one can see. She just wants someone to be there for her, to hold her, to love her. But she's still alone. She wonders how people can tell her that she's so beautiful, she's got the perfect body, a great personality, yet she's still alone. Everyone wants to be her. Or so she's told. It's like everyone wants to be her yet no one wants to be with her. All her friends have boyfriends or fiances. She's alone. Everyone else is so happy, she's so sad. She used to have thoughts of suicide. Occasionally they'll cross her mind but then she reminds herself that she's not going down that road again. I look into her eyes, and I see straight to her soul. The only thing that's left of her heart is a thread. A tiny little thread. The rest of it is burned, broke, and shattered. Sometimes she doesn't think this life is worth living anymore, but she'll keep on living it in hopes of someday proving herself wrong. In hopes that someday, oneday, if only for a brief moment in time she'll find someone that will be there for her, hold her, and love her. Even if for a brief moment in time. But the catch is that it has to be true. Not fake like all the other guys that just used her. Look into her eyes and you can see that too. But you have to look deep. Past that fake smile, past the doors, the chains, and the walls around her tiny thread of a heart. Look past her fake laughs and smiles. Tell me what you see. Do you know here biggest fear? I do. It's dying alone. Do you see the same girl that I do? Scared, alone, frightened. Can you see the tears that she hides. I can. Can you feel her pain? I can. Do you feel as alone as she does? I do. Sometimes life isn't worth living, but we live on in hopes of it improving. And I constantly have to remind my friend of that. Life is worth living, you're beautiful, you do have a great personality, and someday you'll find a guy that makes you so happy that your heart will return to normal. No more burns, breaks, or shards. You won't be alone anymore. You just have to hold on for a little while longer. You'll find him. You'll be happy again. No more tears. Even through the hard times you'll perservere. Because you've been through the worst of it all so you know that if you can make it through that, you can make it through anything. You'll be yourself again, you'll find yourself again. Just keep on breathing. Keep on dreaming. Keep on wishing. Some day your prince will come. Now here's the catch. Do you know who my friend is? Who I'm looking at? Well if you don't know. It's my reflection.

Lighter Pick Up Lines

Lol these amuse the hell out of me. What can I say... i'm blonde. Lol.

guys are whenever, girls are forever
that's right * women are smarter
sugar and spice and everything nice
girls just wanna have fun. so, when do we start?
pretty is as pretty does
PRINCESS. (no more frogs).
i am woman, hear me roar!
big girls don't cry

anyway those aren't the pick up lines. these are though
hey honey, are you single?
are you a parking ticket because you have "fine" written all over you
well here i am. what were your other two wishes?
if you were a laser, you'd be set on stunning
are you lost? because heaven's a long way from here
sweetness is my weakness
don't let me fall for you if you won't be there to catch me

I have another lighter somewhere but i can't find it lol. the first bold one is the one that i would SO fall for lol. and the second one is soooo true lol.

Jerkfaces!

So once again i'm pissed at the entire male population. WHY DO ALL GUYS HAVE TO BE SUCH JERKFACES!

Journey

Along the journey of out lives we come across many people. We have many loves, but only one can be "The One." Eventually we find someone who we could swear is the one we are to spend the rest of our lives with. You can imagine the wedding day you can imagine the rest of your life with this person, kids, everything. Then something goes wrong and you realize that they weren't the one for you. You go about your life until it happens again. What you don't realize is that if you really have found the one it's not that simple. Usually if you're lucky you'll be able to get on with your life and accept the fact that he wasn't "The One." You move on. Now I must admit this has happened to me many times. I swore that this was the guy for me. I don't want anyone else. Even corvettes wouldn't measure up. And those of you that know me I stop everthing when I see a vette. Lol. But there was one guy, the most recent actually, name Casey. I thought I was in love. I was in love. I could see the good, the bad, and the ugly in him. But I was willing to put up with that. Out of love. I gave him my trust. I gave him my all. Which again those of you who know me... I don't trust, in anyone, at all, whatsoever. And he gained my trust. Well things went horribly bad with him, ya'll have no idea. And I thank Tyler and Jackie for being there fore me. Tyler thanks for holding me while I cried and sobed and hacked from crying so hard. And once again those that no me really well, it takes a lot to make me cry, I don't cry lol. I hate him now. For what he did to me. For all the pain he put me through. I could not imagine a more evil human being. Yet I still believe that he was "The One" for me.

Too Much Stress

Why do I stress out over the stupidest shit. Right now i'm stressed to death about my car. It costs way too much money to fix it and I need to save my money to get a new car. But everytime I start saving money I have to put it into my car. And it's not for stupid either. Like lesse, I had to get a tune up because it hadn't had one since I bought the damn thing and it caused it to randomly die and not start. Wait randomly die? How bout hit the gas then die. So there's that one. Then I had to fix the ball joints, if they hadn't gotten fixed within the next few weeks lets just say "Hi Cole! Good to see you again!" And now my brakes are way gone. So now those have to get fixed. And then there's the damned awful car insurance lol. Oh well at least i'm still alive. At least I still have great friends (when they realize i'm still alive and call!) Umm I still have a job (that pays shit). And at least I have Robert.

Robert.
He's a great friend of mine. He makes me laugh when no one else can. Like last night lol I was stressed about to tears and he just made laugh so hard and I forgot about all my problems. Lol we were sitting on the beach last night and he decided that he wanted to smoke a cigar. First of it took forever for him to get it lit and when he finally did he coughed so bad it was hilarious. And then the night before he had strawberry phillies. They're like cigars, only smaller. Well he decided to smoke that and a cigarette at the same time. I told him it was a bad idea but I think he's blonde at heart lol. Yet again he choked. His justification for even doing it I quote "Gotta keep it Gangsta." Lol. Dork. And yea he makes me cry. But not like all the other guys. He makes me cry happiness. Like he wanted to go to the graveyard so we went to Cole's grave. And the light saber spoons that come in cereal boxes, well he had two. And he loved these things, he wouldn't stop playing with them all night, I swear I saw those damn green lights in my dreams for days. But anyway he put one on Cole's grave and said "you got my love man even though I never got to know you." That was byfar the sweetest thing anyone has ever done and meant the world to me, ya'll have no idea. I had tears in my eyes. And then there was this other time we were going up to Super Saver and we were listening to one of his cds. And a song came on and he was literally just singing it to me. You'd have to be there to understand. But it was the song that said "baby i just don't get it, do you enjoy being hurt, i know you smell the perfume, the makeup on his shirt, you don't believe his stories, you know that they're all lies, bad as you are, you stick around and i just don't know why" and that just almost made me cry because that's exactly what I went throught with Casey. Literally. Perfume. Makeup. They were Alyssa's. His stories I wanted to believe them, I tried to believe them, but I knew they were just lies. Yet I still stuck around. DO I HAVE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS "BURN ME" OR SOMETHING? Because that's always what happens. I fall for someone and I get burned. That's why i'm trying to be careful around Robert, I don't want to fall for him. But I think it's too late, I fell. Not hard, but still I've fallen... again. What made me fall was something huge. And I wish I could tell someone anyone but I promised I wouldn't. I'm the only person he's actually told too. He's lived here for two years and none of his friends know. Only his family and me. And GOD I just want to write it right here but I can't. But ya'll with find out in December ^_^. Let's just say Christmas Day is going to be one of the best days ever. He's getting the greatest present of all. And ya'll are probly really confused right now but it'll clear up in December. Lol. But anyway yea he makes me so happy. He reminds me of like all the guys i've ever liked. The good things about them. He's like Casey, Joe, David, Chase, Tyler, and Cole all mixed into one. The three he reminds me most of though are Casey, Chase, and David. And that's another reason why i'm trying to be careful around him, because I got burned by them all so bad. I was wrecked by them. And I'm not gonna let that happen again. But Robert believes in taking things slow. So that's a good thing. Yea he makes me cry sometimes but it's only because he makes me happy. And that's been a foreign thing lately. I don't know, we'll see what happens with him. Do I think he's "The One?" no. For some stupid reason I still think that Casey is "The One" but there is no word for the amount of hate I have for him for what he did to me. But I deserve better. I deserve the best. And I WON'T settle for less. Even if that means i'm alone until i'm 182. lol.

Peace Out. Have a GREAT Day.


Oh yea and my phone is going haywire. So if ya'll call I won't know it's you because my screen is f*ed up. Hey I feel much better now lol.

Oh one more thing. I think i'm going to persue a writing career.


that's joe ^_^

Too Hard

So yea I think I hit my head a little to hard last night. I still can't walk straight. I haven't been able to walk straight since I smacked my head and i'm still freaking dizzy. And that was over 12 hours ago. Damn sink... lol.