Too Much Stress
Why do I stress out over the stupidest shit. Right now i'm stressed to death about my car. It costs way too much money to fix it and I need to save my money to get a new car. But everytime I start saving money I have to put it into my car. And it's not for stupid either. Like lesse, I had to get a tune up because it hadn't had one since I bought the damn thing and it caused it to randomly die and not start. Wait randomly die? How bout hit the gas then die. So there's that one. Then I had to fix the ball joints, if they hadn't gotten fixed within the next few weeks lets just say "Hi Cole! Good to see you again!" And now my brakes are way gone. So now those have to get fixed. And then there's the damned awful car insurance lol. Oh well at least i'm still alive. At least I still have great friends (when they realize i'm still alive and call!) Umm I still have a job (that pays shit). And at least I have Robert.
Robert.
He's a great friend of mine. He makes me laugh when no one else can. Like last night lol I was stressed about to tears and he just made laugh so hard and I forgot about all my problems. Lol we were sitting on the beach last night and he decided that he wanted to smoke a cigar. First of it took forever for him to get it lit and when he finally did he coughed so bad it was hilarious. And then the night before he had strawberry phillies. They're like cigars, only smaller. Well he decided to smoke that and a cigarette at the same time. I told him it was a bad idea but I think he's blonde at heart lol. Yet again he choked. His justification for even doing it I quote "Gotta keep it Gangsta." Lol. Dork. And yea he makes me cry. But not like all the other guys. He makes me cry happiness. Like he wanted to go to the graveyard so we went to Cole's grave. And the light saber spoons that come in cereal boxes, well he had two. And he loved these things, he wouldn't stop playing with them all night, I swear I saw those damn green lights in my dreams for days. But anyway he put one on Cole's grave and said "you got my love man even though I never got to know you." That was byfar the sweetest thing anyone has ever done and meant the world to me, ya'll have no idea. I had tears in my eyes. And then there was this other time we were going up to Super Saver and we were listening to one of his cds. And a song came on and he was literally just singing it to me. You'd have to be there to understand. But it was the song that said "baby i just don't get it, do you enjoy being hurt, i know you smell the perfume, the makeup on his shirt, you don't believe his stories, you know that they're all lies, bad as you are, you stick around and i just don't know why" and that just almost made me cry because that's exactly what I went throught with Casey. Literally. Perfume. Makeup. They were Alyssa's. His stories I wanted to believe them, I tried to believe them, but I knew they were just lies. Yet I still stuck around. DO I HAVE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS "BURN ME" OR SOMETHING? Because that's always what happens. I fall for someone and I get burned. That's why i'm trying to be careful around Robert, I don't want to fall for him. But I think it's too late, I fell. Not hard, but still I've fallen... again. What made me fall was something huge. And I wish I could tell someone anyone but I promised I wouldn't. I'm the only person he's actually told too. He's lived here for two years and none of his friends know. Only his family and me. And GOD I just want to write it right here but I can't. But ya'll with find out in December ^_^. Let's just say Christmas Day is going to be one of the best days ever. He's getting the greatest present of all. And ya'll are probly really confused right now but it'll clear up in December. Lol. But anyway yea he makes me so happy. He reminds me of like all the guys i've ever liked. The good things about them. He's like Casey, Joe, David, Chase, Tyler, and Cole all mixed into one. The three he reminds me most of though are Casey, Chase, and David. And that's another reason why i'm trying to be careful around him, because I got burned by them all so bad. I was wrecked by them. And I'm not gonna let that happen again. But Robert believes in taking things slow. So that's a good thing. Yea he makes me cry sometimes but it's only because he makes me happy. And that's been a foreign thing lately. I don't know, we'll see what happens with him. Do I think he's "The One?" no. For some stupid reason I still think that Casey is "The One" but there is no word for the amount of hate I have for him for what he did to me. But I deserve better. I deserve the best. And I WON'T settle for less. Even if that means i'm alone until i'm 182. lol.
Peace Out. Have a GREAT Day.
Oh yea and my phone is going haywire. So if ya'll call I won't know it's you because my screen is f*ed up. Hey I feel much better now lol.
Oh one more thing. I think i'm going to persue a writing career.
that's joe ^_^
Robert.
He's a great friend of mine. He makes me laugh when no one else can. Like last night lol I was stressed about to tears and he just made laugh so hard and I forgot about all my problems. Lol we were sitting on the beach last night and he decided that he wanted to smoke a cigar. First of it took forever for him to get it lit and when he finally did he coughed so bad it was hilarious. And then the night before he had strawberry phillies. They're like cigars, only smaller. Well he decided to smoke that and a cigarette at the same time. I told him it was a bad idea but I think he's blonde at heart lol. Yet again he choked. His justification for even doing it I quote "Gotta keep it Gangsta." Lol. Dork. And yea he makes me cry. But not like all the other guys. He makes me cry happiness. Like he wanted to go to the graveyard so we went to Cole's grave. And the light saber spoons that come in cereal boxes, well he had two. And he loved these things, he wouldn't stop playing with them all night, I swear I saw those damn green lights in my dreams for days. But anyway he put one on Cole's grave and said "you got my love man even though I never got to know you." That was byfar the sweetest thing anyone has ever done and meant the world to me, ya'll have no idea. I had tears in my eyes. And then there was this other time we were going up to Super Saver and we were listening to one of his cds. And a song came on and he was literally just singing it to me. You'd have to be there to understand. But it was the song that said "baby i just don't get it, do you enjoy being hurt, i know you smell the perfume, the makeup on his shirt, you don't believe his stories, you know that they're all lies, bad as you are, you stick around and i just don't know why" and that just almost made me cry because that's exactly what I went throught with Casey. Literally. Perfume. Makeup. They were Alyssa's. His stories I wanted to believe them, I tried to believe them, but I knew they were just lies. Yet I still stuck around. DO I HAVE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS "BURN ME" OR SOMETHING? Because that's always what happens. I fall for someone and I get burned. That's why i'm trying to be careful around Robert, I don't want to fall for him. But I think it's too late, I fell. Not hard, but still I've fallen... again. What made me fall was something huge. And I wish I could tell someone anyone but I promised I wouldn't. I'm the only person he's actually told too. He's lived here for two years and none of his friends know. Only his family and me. And GOD I just want to write it right here but I can't. But ya'll with find out in December ^_^. Let's just say Christmas Day is going to be one of the best days ever. He's getting the greatest present of all. And ya'll are probly really confused right now but it'll clear up in December. Lol. But anyway yea he makes me so happy. He reminds me of like all the guys i've ever liked. The good things about them. He's like Casey, Joe, David, Chase, Tyler, and Cole all mixed into one. The three he reminds me most of though are Casey, Chase, and David. And that's another reason why i'm trying to be careful around him, because I got burned by them all so bad. I was wrecked by them. And I'm not gonna let that happen again. But Robert believes in taking things slow. So that's a good thing. Yea he makes me cry sometimes but it's only because he makes me happy. And that's been a foreign thing lately. I don't know, we'll see what happens with him. Do I think he's "The One?" no. For some stupid reason I still think that Casey is "The One" but there is no word for the amount of hate I have for him for what he did to me. But I deserve better. I deserve the best. And I WON'T settle for less. Even if that means i'm alone until i'm 182. lol.
Peace Out. Have a GREAT Day.
Oh yea and my phone is going haywire. So if ya'll call I won't know it's you because my screen is f*ed up. Hey I feel much better now lol.
Oh one more thing. I think i'm going to persue a writing career.
that's joe ^_^
posted by Heaven's Paradise @ 10:51 AM
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